We Made History This Week!!!

I was recently approached by the editor of the Canadian Medical Journal of Sonography who asked to include my story, The Ultrasound Miracle in the journal. This is the first time in the history of the journal that they included a story from a patient. So here it is, my miracle, on the cover of the journal! And here is my story, officially in print in a medical journal which will be read by sonographers all over the country! It was a pretty incredible feeling to see my sonogram photo (or as I see it, a photo of my two daughters) on the cover of a medical journal. It’s pretty amazing that my story will reach the medical community in this way. I hope my story touches many more people and opens them up to a new reality where love never dies.

Journal cover and article © 2018 Canadian Journal of Medical Sonography

The Waiting Game…

 
The last few weeks of pregnancy are always the longest. This can also be the most special time as you prepare for the birth of your baby. It’s an opportunity to pamper yourself and do all you can to keep comfortable. It’s also a time to bond with baby and I have been enjoying watching her move and react to my touch. It’s been incredible!
But waiting isn’t easy. I’m exhausted and uncomfortable. Days are long, but nights are longer. I’m battling insomnia which is affecting my immune system. I’m restless. And itchy! And the only cure is birth.
We have been expecting our rainbow to make her appearance any day for a week, but we continue to wait as patiently as possible. Planning for the big day hasn’t been easy but I managed to get through some pretty heavy obstacles over the last few weeks. The stress was weighing me down. I realize that this isn’t something I can fully plan for as it’s out of our control when she decides to arrive. She will come when she’s ready. I just hope that is soon!
Our lives are about to change forever as we welcome a baby created in pure love. I feel blessed this little soul chose us to love and protect her, and I couldn’t imagine experiencing this journey with anyone else. We are ready!

  

The Healing Power of a Mother’s Love

It breaks my heart that my 6 year old son knows so much about death. Tonight he was playing innocently with his Legos asking questions about “Baby Carl” (his nickname for his new sibling). I would expect normal questions about birth and where babies come from. It may not be “normal” for children to ask about babies and death, but his questions did not surprise me.

The other night we were driving home from dance class and Hudson asked me how Baby will come out of Mommy’s belly. I admit that I wasn’t prepared for him to ask such a question (as I’m sure all parents feel when it inevitably comes up). I took a deep breath and answered him the only way I know how. Honestly!

What I find surprising is that the abnormal questions my son asks that are related to the trauma our family has endured are the ones I find easiest to answer. Discussions about grief and death are now second nature. And as always, when these questions are asked, I answer my 6 year old with pure and wholehearted honesty.

A child should not fear what may happen if his sibling dies before he/she is born… But mine does. He should not worry about what will happen if Mommy dies before the Baby is born, and what would happen to Baby if Mommy’s heart stopped beating. I reassure him that everything will be alright and these things won’t happen. Yet, as experience has taught me, bad things DO happen and CAN happen at any time.

I consciously choose to be open with my son about death because I know that by helping him understand, I am helping him cope. Unanswered questions often leads to fear. By answering his questions, I am helping him feel safe. By answering honestly, I am establishing trust. Thankfully it’s rare that a child sees his sibling die. But mine did. And I am coping with it the only way I know how.

Some people have warned our family to be careful what we expose the children to, that what they see or hear may traumatize them. Others have told me not to cry in front of my son. But what I have learned is that there is nothing more healing than LOVE and honesty. Yes, there are things you should protect your child from, but it’s necessary to be open to the healing powers of LOVE. We allowed the children to say goodbye to Bella, and seeing her didn’t cause harm because they were prepared for what they would see. Crying in front of my son teaches him that it’s okay to be sad. Communicate with your children and build that trust. Because a bit of LOVE and honesty go a long way.image

We Are Having A Rainbow!

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Our Family ❤️

No amount of time could have prepared me for this moment. I don’t think I will ever feel ready to embark on this journey. But it has begun. It’s real. And there is no going back.

The instant that double line appears, a million thoughts begin to flood your mind. In the chaos of emotions, you sort through all your wishes and fears. You feel excitement, bliss, anxiety and panic all at the same time.

Is it too soon? Am I ready? How can this be happening? How will Hudson take the news? What this affect the rest of the family?

A rainbow appears at the end of a storm. The term “rainbow baby” is given to a child conceived after the loss of a child.

We are having a RAINBOW!!!!
#StayStrong❤️

Bella has been a busy angel❤️👼

Bella has been a busy angel❤️👼

Photo credit: Kate Demore Photography