Attacks of grief tend to come unexpectedly. I’ve been at the hospital a lot lately. For work. For family. For Baby Carl. It’s never a pleasant place to be, but sometimes the Universe has a plan and you are meant to be at a specific place at a specific time. I don’t believe in coincidence.
The second last time I was at the hospital, I had a deep conversation with a doctor who cared for me just after I nearly died. I had seen her at the ER the night before when I brought my son in with an allergic reaction. I thanked her for helping him the night before. She said to me “I don’t often get thanked for why I do.” This surprised me! If someone helps me or someone I care about, it only makes sense to thank them! I then thanked her for what she did for me and told her about Bella. 
The other day I stopped by the hospital to inquire about my Rhogam injection. I spoke with a nurse that I recognized. She is very gentle, calm, and gives off a loving vibe. I recognized her as the nurse who has been incredible with my kids! I didn’t know her name until tonight. But once I heard her name, I knew exactly who she was.
It’s strange how I remember many details of what occurred, but struggle to remember what I saw. She was there the night I was brought in by ambulance. I asked her if she was my nurse that day and she told me she was also there for Bella. She took care of her. She told me a few things that touched my heart, things no mother should ever have to think about, but eased fears I didn’t even know existed. She took care of my baby girl after her momma had to leave. I cried. I hugged her. Then I thanked her. I will never forget the kindness this woman has shown my family.
These women were not the only ones who deserve thanks. The paramedics, hospital staff, police officers, and many others who were there for my family all deserve thanks. Some people view what they do as “their job” but there is more to it than that. It takes a special person to do what these people do. What they see at work can affect them. Deeply. Permanently. It’s not easy for anyone to deal with the sudden death of a child. It’s traumatic for anyone. Yet, thankfully, these people are there during those times.
I had intentions to meet all the people who were there for us that day. I am not quite ready to experience all the emotions that will come along with meeting them. When I am ready, I hope to thank them all in person.
But for now, I will thank them here. 
Thank you for doing all you could to save my baby girl. Thank you taking care for her when I was not able to be at her side. Thank you for treating her with love and respect. I know she was in good hands.
Thank for helping me, for saving my life. Thank you for understanding my trauma and not judging me. Thank you for treating me with kindness and respect.
Thank you for caring.
I am sorry that we had to share our trauma with you, but thank you for being there when we needed you. Our lives would be much different today without you. 
❤️