It’s morning. I’m still in bed and it’s after 8 am. I came back to bed but of course I can’t sleep. I need my ME time and when you’re surrounded by family, it’s hard to come by.
I’m with my sisters again. We decided to come south for the weekend. Our drive yesterday filled me with blessings.
I feel blessed that Bella chose me to be her mom. She may have left but comes to me every single day in some form (Bella corrects me and reminds me that she didn’t leave, she transitioned, and this was her choice). She keeps giving me gifts. Love, hope, and understanding. I struggle to understand why I’m receiving these gifts from her because I feel that as a grieving mother, I should be feeling pain and anger, but instead I am so full of love today.
It’s not always this way. This is the roller coaster of grief. I never know from one day to the next what emotions will consume me but I am forced to accept what is. This is my reality. This is grief. I am thankful to have days of overwhelming positivity, as yesterday brought to me.
On our way here, we stopped at the mall in North Bay and I found 2 Christmas ornaments for Bella. One will be Bella’s hand print, and the other is an angel drawing a rainbow. I was overflowing with love as I found these, as well as an angel “worry stone.” Rocks and rainbows have so much meaning to Bella and I. I will continue to use rocks to give my worries to my angel, my Bella.
It’s amazing how intense my connection to Bella is. It’s such a strong bond that not even death can separate us. She comes everywhere with me and constantly gives me signs. I now know why she sends me rocks, and now I also know why she sends me rainbows. She is a rainbow child. 
Even though our time together in the physical realm was short, Bella will never leave my side. My rainbow child will continue to fulfill her life purpose, which is something she could never do in life. As her mother, it is my job to help her get her messages out. Maybe the time has come to share. I can’t help but wonder how they will be received. 


#StayStrong❤️ #RainbowChild🌈

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