It’s hard to believe it has already been 3 months, yet so much has happened in such a short time that it feels like an eternity since I last saw my baby girl. The summer came and is now gone. As the leaves are changing colours, I take in the beauty this world has to offer. I take deep breaths and enjoy the scent of the fresh air, the cold damp grass under my feet, and the cool breeze against my skin. Today, I feel grounded.
I haven’t been living in the present. I’ve been living with this fear that if I allow myself to be happy, it will take away from Bella’s importance. I didn’t realize that it’s okay to miss her and still be happy. I need to give myself permission to miss her but not be a wreck over the fact that she’s not physically here anymore. She’s here in a different way. I spoke with her as I put my oils on last night. She made her presence known with a whisper in my ear, and a huge smile came across my face. 
She’s been leaving me rocks in random places. As I write this, I am realizing why she is doing this. During my session with Brian the medium, Bella told him that I’m carrying a basket of rocks and she wanted me to give her my heavy basket in exchange for a basket of flowers. She wants me to put my worries into the rocks and give them to her to carry. “I’m strong enough, mommy. I can handle it.” Last night I finally did that. I’ve been putting these rocks aside and last night I held one in my hand and put my sadness into it. I allowed myself to feel the sadness and it took me over; I envisioned my sadness going from my heart to the rock in my hand and I cried. Hard. 
I felt better after that cry. Normally when I start to cry, it consumes me and it is very difficult to come back from it. 
Today was a new day. Hudson and I played outside. We had fun and truly enjoyed each other. I haven’t laughed so much since Bella left. It was pretty amazing. 


#StayStrong❤️ #BePresent #LiveInTheMoment

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