It’s 3am and I lie awake in bed alone wishing I could go back to the days that I wondered when I would sleep again. It’s one thing to experience difficulties in life and wish time away. It’s another to willingly give absolutely anything to go back to those difficult days.
I feel guilty that I wished time away. I couldn’t wait until things got a little bit easier. I couldn’t wait for Bella to sleep at night, in her own bed, in her own bedroom. And here I am, awake and alone, wishing I could roll over and touch her soft hair and listen to her heart beating.
Be careful what you wish for because it just might come true. You don’t get moments back. Even the difficult times have some positive in them. Back when I forgot what sleep was, I was thankful Bella was no longer screaming all day (colic taught me a lot) and grateful that she was happy. Even after 4 hours of sleep (max)
I still woke up every morning singing silly songs to the kids because it put us in a good mood and was a great way to start the day.
Right now, despite the unbearable pain I feel every moment, I still manage to find the happy moments every single day. I don’t wake up singing anymore (not yet, anyway) but we manage to have fun. We make time every day for cuddles, laughs, and take frequent selfies. It’s so important to pay attention to those little things, because they add up fast, and together they are pretty powerful!