July 6, 2014

Today I feel numb. I am present but lack the ability to feel. I’m not sad. I’m not happy. I just am. I know there are different stages of grief and think maybe I’m in denial. My family left today and I had a few friends come see me yet all I really want is to be alone. The time I had to myself I spent going through Bella’s things and packed up some stuff to give away. I want anything that has no significance out of this house. As I did this, I didn’t feel a thing and this seems odd because you would think this would be a difficult thing to do but it wasn’t. I think I’m subconsciously protecting myself from the pain, repressing it until I am more ready to deal with it. A week ago I just wanted to be numb and now I just want to feel. #StayStrong

 

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt …sometimes that thing is to simply survive.

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